The importance of routines and rituals for infants and toddlers

Daily routines are events (like mealtime, naptime, bath-time, and bedtime) that happen at about the same time and in the same way each day. There is a major difference between a ‘routine’ and a ‘schedule,’ as the word ‘schedule’ seems to have a clear expectation of time associated with it. Routines do not focus strictly on times of day where things are happening, but more on the rhythm of flow of their day. For example, after your daughter wakes from her afternoon nap, you sing the same silly ‘wake up song’ while you change her diaper. Then it’s a snack in the highchair and few minutes of playtime with the dog before she climbs into her stroller to go pick up her brother from school. What happens to your daughter if one day you skip the diaper and snack routine because you are running late and she is plucked from her crib and directly thrown in the carseat for a run to the grocery store? Some children, based on their temperament, go with the flow of their day, but most children have a challenging time with changes to routines that they become so accustomed to.

But why exactly are these strict routines so important for young children? Why don’t they like change? Why do I need to read the same book night after night or have the sing the same clean-up song 6 times a day?

• Routines provide emotional comfort. They help babies and toddlers begin to understand that the world is a sensible and organized place and help them learn what will happen next. This makes them feel safe and secure, especially into toddlerhood as their sense of the world around them gets bigger and scarier. Children will learn to trust that you will provide them with what they need and then they will feel confident to focus on playing, learning, and exploring.

• Many routines set the precedent for what happens, when it happens and how it should happen which also reduces the number of conflicts and tantrums that you are encountering on a daily basis. Many tantrums are the result of unanticipated changes for young toddlers (i.e. cleaning up the toys before they are ready or being plucked off the floor and placed into their carseat), so silly songs or clean up routines give children notice of what is happening to them and they become more familiar with these transitions. A special song or sequence of events will help your baby make the move from one activity to the next.

• Routines will help create the foundation for positive behavior as they help with self-control and self-regulation. Routines provide your child with instructions. They outline what your expectations are. By creating a “clean-up” routine at the end of bath time, your baby will learn that the expectation is that all of the toys be put away when bath time is done.

• Routines promote social development. Through them your baby will learn patterns and routines for social interaction. For example, mealtimes provide your baby with the opportunity to learn appropriate ways of asking for what they want. They will also allow him/her to observe positive social behavior. They will hear you saying, “please” and “thank you”.

• They can also help babies cope during difficult times—like when there has been a recent change in their world. Keeping some things familiar for your child, like a drop-off routine at childcare or a dinnertime ritual, when other things in their life are changing, like a move or a new baby, give them a sense of security because they learn that there are certain routines and points in their day that they can still count on.

• You can use routines to help soothe your child. For example, it can help to have a relaxing naptime routine to help babies calm down after an active, playful interaction. You might give your baby a brief massage, and then read a gentle book and/or sing a lullaby to help your baby make the switch to sleeping.

• Routines provide endless learning opportunities! We sometimes forget to recognize the potential for learning during simple daily routines. Bath time provides you with the opportunity to label body parts while mealtime gives you lots of opportunities to create communicative temptations.

• Routines help learning by making brain connections: When you read a story to your child her brain makes connections. When you read the same story over and over again, those connections in the brain become stronger. Every time your child hears the same story or sings the same song, they learn something new. Repetition is important because it provides the child with multiple opportunities to strengthen connections.

This is not to say that children cannot ever tolerate change or that you are stuck singing only Wheels on the Bus every day – changes can be made gradually over time and with some practice (like how a new drop-off routine at childcare once Daddy’s work schedule changes can take a few days or weeks). And if you are consistent, predictable and trustworthy in your creation of routines for your child, then you can add new aspects to the routine without conflict because your child has learned to trust you implicitly. So go ahead and sing a few new songs at home today, but remember that you are also going to need to bring out the Wheels on the Bus so your little guy isn’t completely thrown off!

Kim Bennett, MSed CEIS

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